Water is vital for all forms of life. We can’t exist without.
What is something you can’t live without?
What gives you passion, purpose and meaning?
What thing, if you were separated from it, would make you no longer yourself?

For me, it’s my faith. I recognize the impact it’s had on my life and that if I didn’t have it I wouldn’t be who I am today. However, even though water can be life giving, it can also be life threatening.

“Thirsty for Water” is the reflective expression of my life as a Christian. Not only what it means to me symbolically, but also how it’s hurt me, and how it’s healed me.

I started preparing for this exhibition in 2019 and now in 2021 am I able to show it. As we all know...a LOT happened in those last two years and as a result the context of many of my pieces changed.

Painting has always been a therapeutic experience for me, and it was in these moments with just me, my canvas, my music and God that I was able to draw out and express these thoughts regarding my faith. My paintings aren’t made to be a statement, but to be thought provoking and spur good conversation. Even though I make a painting with a certain idea in mind, it’s always exciting to see how they speak individually to different people.

Hovering Above the Deep
24” x 48”
-SOLD-

“Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” [Genesis 1:2]

When I visualize the Spirit of God floating above the waters of the deep, I imagine kinetic forms of light, weaving in and out of itself; the only light in a vacuum of darkness with it’s reflection rippling calmly in the black abyss below.

Like the calm before the storm, the anticipation before the blast.

Toxic Purity
24” x 36”
-SOLD-

Purity Culture --
“A subculture of evangelical Christianity that peaked in the 1990s — with young girls pledging to abstain from sex until marriage. Both men and women were expected to remain sexually pure, which included abstaining from sex, but also avoiding lustful thoughts. For the young women, being “pure” also meant being responsible for the boys and men around them and behaving themselves in ways as not to “tempt” them to sin.”

Growing up in the 90’s, this was a culture ingrained in through church. Looking back on it now, especially as a married woman, I see how it’s done more harm than good. Not just in my life either. I’ve had many conversations with other married Christian women who struggle with the aftermath of the purity movement. One of the biggest being intimacy, both physical and emotional.

Growing up in the conservative church, it was ingrained in our minds that sex was bad and shameful. That is… until we got married. Then all of a sudden, after years of repressing our natural sexual desires, sex was GOOD and necessary for our marriages to thrive. I reacted much like a flower in shock; unprepared, uprooted, and stressed. Even though I had reached the “pure” situation where sex was praised…I was still shackled with sexual shame.

The figure in the piece has the head of a White Lily. A flower often used in weddings and as a symbol of purity. Their body is cloaked in a white gown, contrasting the red tones of their skin. I picked red, a color associated with love, passion and sex, as a reflection of people’s natural sexual nature. They are curled up in a defensive posture with jagged thorns constricting them, representing an always prevalent reminder of their shame.

The Human Condition
30” x 40”
$450

We always long for something to fill ourselves with. Desperately grappling for something to sustain us in life and the heaviness in our chests only growing with time. However, despite the longing and struggle, there’s also moments of joy, fullness, and satisfaction.

Our lives are messy and confusing, but without our struggles could we really appreciate the good that comes as a result of them?

Even though we may feel constricted by darkness and hardship, there is a richness to our lives that shines past our flaws. A complex array of emotions, meaning, and purpose that each one of us possess making us beautifully unique.

Infected
24” x 24”
-SOLD-

Like a constant itch that never goes away, I’m always aware and ashamed by it. I try to cover it up... to make it “disappear.” Little do I know, this is a cancer, growing underneath the surface and spreading into every aspect of my life. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away, in fact, it only makes it grow faster.

Without the proper care, it festers to the point I can no longer ignore it...because now it clouds my eyes and has seeped into my mind. Even though it’s gone this far, why do I still pretend like everything is fine?

This piece is my expression of how we go through our lives portraying our “best selves”, while we’re all suffering from some sort of affliction which we hide from others and ourselves.

Sometimes it’s a scary thought, the idea of getting help. We’d rather continue suffering which we are familiar with, rather than facing unknown circumstances that might bring alleviation.

Violent Silence
30” x 48”
-SOLD-

All the noise and chaos, the stress and anxiety, the uncertainty and worry, the anger and sorrow crashes into me never ending and I feel suffocated. Is there nowhere I can go to escape this overwhelming pressure? My chest tightens and my breath gets caught in my throat…then for a moment… I hear nothing. It catches me off guard.

In this absolute quiet, I feel an undeniable presence like I’ve never felt before.

However before long, the quiet fades and noises filter in again. It was only for a moment but somehow now, I feel at ease.

There’s only been a handful of times in my life where I’ve been in deafening silence. It’s always when I least expect it. Like when riding a bike at the base of the Colorado mountains or seconds between the breaking of ocean waves. These moments of sudden silence juxtaposed by noise, have been the moments I’ve felt the closest to God.

“Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” [1 Kings 19:11-13 11]

Dragon’s Breath
36” x 36”
-SOLD-

The predator, always lurking just out of sight, exploiting me in my weakest moments. Its soul purpose, to initiate my downfall. To cloud my vision and make me lose my way.

Breathing in the toxins, I’m stricken with fear and I lash out in panic. I feel isolated so I don’t cry out for help. In this state, I am crippled. All I can do now is cower in its clutches as if it feeds on my fear.

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.“ [1 Peter 5:8]

Because of this verse, I used to imagine the devil as a predator, waiting in the shadows ready to pounce when I least expected it. However, as I grow in my understanding of the Bible, I’ve begun to see the devil or satan as a metaphor more than an actual being.

However that being said, I do believe in spiritual warfare. Discord between good and bad forces unseen to the human eye, and how it has an affect on our lives. I think it’s very possible to be blinded and devoured by the circumstances of our lives, especially if we are isolated from others. Like a persistent predator, tiring out individual prey.

Relapse Dance
48” x 48”
$800

Though I’ve made changes, I still stumble. I wasn’t paying attention and before I knew it I fell into a familiar pattern, a comfortable rhythm, and a dance I knew once before.

Though I swore off these old habits, why do I find myself dancing to their tune again?

In this painting, I try to depict the struggle of falling back into bad habits. How enticing it can be, but also regretful, like an open flame ready to burn out of control. I took imagery of dancers and deconstructed them, emphasizing the blurred movement from one form to the other. The three figures represent one person at different points in their life falling in and out of relapse.

I close my eyes, you are there
36” x 48”
$700

In my darkest times, when I need your strength the most... all I have to do is quiet my mind, close my eyes... and you are there, my comforter.

Throughout many of my paintings, I use the imagery of a lion and I’ve come to learn that it’s symbolic of how I see God/Christ. Strong, powerful, intense and awe-inspiring, but also loyal, comforting, and protective. This piece in particular, is a reflection of how I feel about my relationship with Christ.

When I think of what kind of relationship I have with Christ, I think of a deep friendship. A friendship that never leaves no matter where I go, and never changes even though I do. This concept brings me relief knowing I always have warmth and compassion even at my lowest points.

“I know it’s alright, you are near every night, Always at my side, always in my mind, The fear and the fights, the pain, the plight, Has no hold on my life, in the dark there is light, When I feel so suppressed, all the things in my chest, When the fear doesn’t rest, you protect, Because you see and you ache, And your heart doesn’t wait, you’re already there.”
[Kings Kaleidoscope - Ache]

Living Water
24” x 36”
-SOLD-

“...but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” [John 4:14]

This is the only water color piece in the entire show; an abstract imagery about the blood spilt for humanity.

A New Creation
48” x 60”
-SOLD-

This body, beaten and torn, my time has come. Even though I’ve suffered, my soul is satisfied. All in all, it was worth the fight. What once defined me falls away and a new fire fills my lungs... I explode a new creation.

No one knows what happens after death. We can only assume based on what we believe, and that is different for each person.

I personally believe there is life after death and I believe that becasue... it gives me hope. Hope that the suffering we endure in our lives isn’t pointless and those who’ve suffered the most will finally know peace.

We can only believe in what makes sense to us. What makes sense to me is that I’m never going to have all the answers. If we had all the answers there would be no wonder or mystery to this world and inevitably there would be no God.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” [2 Corinthians 5:17]

Hollow Crown
18” x 24”
$275

I want to be in control. I want to focus on my selfishness. This is my hardest hurdle. I want to be the king of my life. If I surrender my crown will I become nobody, or will I finally become all I’ve ever meant to be.

There are many points in my life where I’ve wanted to live selfishly. To put my wants and desires first. But all these things I pursue for my own gain, end up leaving me feeling hollow and unsatisfied. Like a king who has surrounded himself with riches but no one to share them with.

“I will die to keep this crown. Tell me just one thing, will I always measure my weight in gold? When I am an old king, will I be alone in my castle cold?” [Kings Kaleidoscope - Sometimes Phoenix]

Detached
36” x 36”
$600

What is a soul? Does it even exist? Is it a construct of the religious or our natural essence?

There are many thoughts and theories about the connection of body and soul. One is tangible (the body) while the other is intangible (the soul). It is hard to find “proof” of things intangible, but that doesn’t mean they can’t exist.

In this painting I explore the idea of body and soul, and what it might look like if they were separated. I see the soul as our life and individuality represented by bright warm colors. As it’s stripped away, the body becomes cold and colorless, an empty framework.

Healing from Hurt
30” x 40”
-SOLD-

I will never live my life without these scars I’ve obtained. However, despite them, no matter how ugly they may seem, new, better, and healthy things can come from them. Instead of turning inward with self hate, I choose to turn outward, expose my wounds to the light. Though I know there may be growing pains, what grows in place of my scars ultimately will make me feel less wounded.

We all have things we’ve been hurt by and to heal from them takes time. If we fixate on who or what has hurt us, our wounds will never be more than scars. However, from hurt can come healing, maturity and forgiveness. Also the ability to connect with others who may be going through similar situations.

Acknowledging and learning from the pain helps you grow into a better version of yourself.

Who I was before I had a face
24” x 36”
-SOLD-

“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” [Psalm139: 15-16]

I remember when I was young I used to try and think about my existence. How did I come to be and why was I ME? I was always left utterly confused and with no answers. Personally, I think we are way more than the product of our parents passion. Our psychology is wrapped up in our egos as we go through life in a constant state of trying to understand who we are.

I like to contemplate the idea that before I was born, I was a fully developed being and that the duration of my life is my journey of developing into my true self. No matter what decisions I make, I will inevitably mature into who I was before I was born.

In Plain Sight
48” x 60
-SOLD-

No matter where I look, I see you. In swaying trees, the cloud painted sky, the pattern of raindrops on my window, or a night full of stars. Everyone is looking for proof of existence, but what if the proof was more subtle. You never were one for grand exposures, it makes sense that you’d be hidden in plain sight.

“In every work of art, the artist [themselves] is present.” -Christian Morgenstern

As a an artist, I resonate with the idea that God is also an artist. Therefore, it is easy for me to simply look at the world around me and see a creator’s passion, the pride in the whole picture but even more so in the details no one pays attention to. The interpretations others have of my work and its meaning, but even more so the fact that they are just actively participating in my art. Again I use a lion, as my representation of God, but with each painting session I deconstructed the image more and more, almost hiding it in the bright colors and chaotic background.

Array of Grays
36” x 48”
-SOLD-

Most of my life I’ve been confronted with “absolutes”. This is right and this is wrong. You do this and you don’t do that. But when I look around, I see a rich array of grays rather than solid blacks and whites.

As I continue to grow as a person and make relationships with people who aren’t like me, the more I realize that the world isn’t made up of finalities. We all go through different things in life, and they are all valid experiences not to be ignored or rejected.

In this painting, I wanted to depict sharp characteristics juxtaposed with a soft blurred background. The point being, though these styles are vastly different they can coexist together in peace. However, I realize that many people will never see the grays in between the absolutes. Which is unfortunate, because that means they lack empathy to their fellow humans.

Where the current takes me
24” x 48”
-SOLD-

“Can any one of you, by worrying, add a single hour to your life?” [Matthew 6:27]

Wading into the water, I let myself be taken by the current. I don’t worry about where I’m going or where I’ll end up. I just want to enjoy how I get there.
It’s nice not to worrying about what I can’t control.

Guardians
15” x 30”(x3)
-SOLD-

When I think of “the trinity” I think of perfect balance. I chose to do this piece as a triptych. Three separate pieces which on their own don’t work, but when integrated with each other it makes a whole cohesive piece. One part is not more important than the other, because all three need to be involved to reflect the artist’s intentions.

Out of all my pieces this triptych is the most “symbolic” as I express my own imagery of the trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit). From left to right we start with “The Son” represented by a sheep, the sacrificial lamb and shepherd of many. The green and blue hues reflect an energetic life giving nature affiliated with Jesus. In the middle is “The Holy Spirit” represented by the wings of a bird. The bright warm tones are meant to depict flames, mirroring a soul ignited. The last is “The Father” represented by the imagery of a lion, king. The purple tones reflect royalty and mystery. Each figure has a stylistic halo, pulling reference from religious renaissance paintings and the painting technique looks like stained glass, adding to the aesthetic.

Washed Away
30” x 48”
-SOLD-

My body is stained and dirty. How did I get this way? Why haven’t I noticed before? Or have I always known? Everyone has stains, why did I think I was immune?

It’s sticky like oil. I try to get rid of it by myself but to no avail. Honestly, I only make it worse. In my frustration, you lead me to waters full of mercy and grace. With each crash of the waves more and more of my stains are taken away. No doubt I will need to be washed again, but I know now where to go.

While trying to portray the idea of baptism in this piece, I focused more on the attributes of the water rather than the individual. Water has so many properties that make it a powerful force, and necessary for life. The black stains are supposed to be symbolic of something like oil, hard to get rid of. However with the right properties it can slip right off.

Baptism is a symbolic action. A public declaration of “dying to oneself” in pursuit of living like Christ. For many however, it’s symbolic of the beginning of a healing journey.

Inner Dialogue
30” x 40”
$525

Conversations with myself. An exchange of thoughts and ideas between my heart and my mind. Presence versus entrancement, openness versus blockage, tension versus relaxation, peace versus pain, union versus separation. Is it possible to compromise or will I always be in discourse with myself?

In my consciousness I wrestle with my inner dialogue. However, the voices I hear aren’t always mine, they’re the voices of people I know and how I perceive them. I’ve always had a high sense of empathy and can put myself in other peoples positions. However, when I spend too much time relating to others, I can easily lose my own sense of self identity. That’s when I have to confront all the voices and opinions of others swirling in my mind and check it with my heart; refocusing on the essence of me. Even though I understand others points of view, I can’t forget that how I FEEL, and what I THINK... are also valid.

“I am aware of focusing on other people, wondering what they are like, how and where they live, etc. In a relationship with others, I often give up my own agenda in favor of the other person’s. I have to be on guard about giving in to other’s demands and discounting my own legitimate needs.” [Red]

Hands of Prayer
12” x 16”(x3)
-SOLD-

I clasp my hands together, gripping so tightly. My hands fall open and I cradle my head. I am broken and lost but still calling out to you. My hands rise skyward, I realize I can do nothing on my own power, I am reliant on you. No words can describe the struggle or peace I feel in these moments.

Hands are on the most expressive forms of body language. They communicate all kinds of emotion and meaning. In this triptych I wanted to express how a lot of us use prayer as a form of controlling the trajectory of our lives. We have specific requests for our lives and if they aren’t answered how we’d like then we are dissatisfied. Moving from left to right the triptych shows a pair of hands clenched tightly in prayer. Then slowly, maybe even unwillingly, they start to loosen their grip, till they are fully open.

If I hold onto something so tightly, it makes me unable to receive other good things in my life. However, if I loosen my tight grip and leave my hands open, I will be able to accept and release things peacefully.

“If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” [Matthew 10:39]